Ok this one is a great part 2 to your first post! I love it. I share this same fear, and as I age, I am glad to see that fear of others cruelty slowly (ever so painfully slowly) fade.
Ok I did not think of this at all in that way (a pt II to first post) and that feels spot on. Thank you for knowing my writing better than I do lolol 🥹
Also, where on the Oregon Coast are you Lutzi? My husband and I lived in Oregon and fell in love with the coast. Our first trip as a couple ever was to Yachats, which was when we fell in love with the state :)
Yachats is right down the road! We are in Newport 🐋 Yachats is one of our favorite places, and that drive through Cape Perpetua is the best drive in the world!! I don’t think I can ever leave 😄
Oh my gosh!!!! Yes! That whole region is just breathtaking! I would never leave if I were you, either 😂 We thought about moving to Portland or the coast because we fell in love with the landscape, but ended up in Klamath Falls to be down the road from my sister's family for a year. It was beautiful in a different way, but we always loved getting back to the coast 😅
One of our favorite days began near Thor's Well and then we did a hike way up right near there. The views were unbelievable.
& I love your video — it brought me back right to that peace! 🥰
I have never been to Klamath Falls and have been in Oregon for 12 yrs! I need to get down there 😄 We were in Corvallis area till two years ago but I need this coastal weather now (high of 62 in the summer is so nice!)
We like to explore all the beaches in that area between Yachats and Heceta Lighthouse. Good to meet another Oregon Enthusiast!!
This made me laugh out loud! So true. I have always thought that Goodreads reviewers wouldn’t actually say those things out loud, but apparently they do!
I really enjoyed this, Miriam. I am also my own worst enemy when it comes to writing - is it good enough/clever enough/original enough and so on down a long list of criticisms! I think it must be par for the course for anyone who writes? Have you read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott? She writes very wittily and honestly about the negative self talk and the doubts. But I think if you want to write, you just have to write and do it for yourself - this is what I keep telling myself anyway!
Yes Catherine!! I think you're right that it's par for the course! I'm reading Rick Rubin's creative manifesto right now and it's giving me the extra bit of inspiration and courage needed to see that we all have something to offer, no matter how clever ;)
I have not read Bird by Bird (nor had I heard of it). I'm going to look it up now. Thank you for the suggestion!! And of course thank you for reading and sharing 🥰 I'm so grateful for you.
I'll have to check out Rick Rubin! Another thing I've found helpful - a good few years ago when I started a blog about home-education (my first time ever sharing any writing of any sort), a friend of a friend, who had her own successful podcast, told me not to expect my friends to read my work. I realised very quickly that she was totally right and it was liberating for two reasons - firstly, I was no longer disappointed if they didn't read my writing and secondly, I didn't worry about what they'd think of it.
Oh my goodness, I wholeheartedly agree with that approach. I remember reading a Note someone wrote saying how disappointing it was to them that their friends didn't read any of their work. My reaction was why should we expect them to?! It's sort of funny that writing can lure us into thinking everyone will flock to it, but if we have friends who are sculptors or activists or any number of other things, they're not expecting us to see every piece of art or be at every march... (I don't think? 😂)
This liberating mindset has already helped me press "publish" more than once!
Poignant. What does it take for a writer--or anyone, for that matter--to accept and appreciate their own work, their own voice when it seems that voice is drowning in the din of criticism, whether real or imagined? How does a writer quell the fear that paralyzes the fingers above the keyboard or compels one to set the pen down and walk away? At those times, which for me is daily, I am reminded of the lines from the charming movie "Ratatouille" where the critic, Anton Ego (voiced by Peter O'Toole) writes his review of the restaurant:
"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so."
Perhaps no one will appreciate my writing. Perhaps no one will even read it.
The only way to ensure this is by writing nothing at all.
Wow, I have never seen Ratatouille and now I think I'll finally make it a priority. What a perfect quote to capture this cycle between creator and consumer. Thank you so much for sharing, David. I'm grateful to now have those words in my inspiration toolkit :)
I will always be of the opinion that reviews are for the reader, not the author. And that includes not liking something. But an opinion should never be geared towards the author. There's a difference between being mean and having a tasteful negative opinion. I'm so sorry you had to experience the former and I hope you'll find another book club to celebrate writing instead of dragging it down ♡
Yes, agreed on this!! Reviews in general are tricky on my mind, I have to admit. I’ve looked up some of my favorite books on Goodreads only to find they have pretty poor reviews, which makes me sad given I know I prioritize books with higher reviews now so might never have read them if I’d looked them up first. It’s a bias that’s hard to unwind. I’m trying not to look books up at all before reading now… 🙈
That's a very good habit! I tend not to look as much at the Goodreads score anyways and more at the reviews but I get that it's a difficult trait to unlearn
Thank you for being so open in this post Miriam. Like you, I worry people will judge/criticise and then I question myself for the importance I've placed on my existence. Self awareness is a funny thing.
With regards to your Book Club, it does not sound like the supportive and open-minded group it should be. I recently joined my local Book Club and even when the entire group has disliked a book it is never, ever placed on the author - it is always down to our own preferences. Books are so subjective, and I'm really sorry you had such a bad experience with people who couldn't accept that!
Hi Soph, thank you so much for being here 🥰 and your book club sounds so lovely! You made me laugh with “self awareness is a funny thing” lol — you’re right and it really is the ultimate double edged sword.
I will read. I will only laugh at the funny parts and I will cry in the sad ones.
I believe that the world is filled with a billion different books to relate to each person at a different time. If you'd have handed me a book highlighting the experiences I'm facing right now, merely 6 months ago I'd have barely cracked the spine. Now it has a whole new meaning.
You saw yourself within the pages and they spoke to you. Nothing wrong with that. If you read it again in 5 or 10 years ya might not love it just the same.
There are a few FAMOUS authors out there that I am just not a fan of. I believe their writing is dry and lingers on like dog farts....but so many people adore them. So do I beat myself up for not liking her? Do I question the sanity of the people who adore her? Nope. Just continue on my quest to find things I do love.
So you....
Write like you have the power to change someone's life. Because you do.
And in a room full of 15 haters, one person's life that you change....makes those 15 seem meaningless.
All so true, Aspyn!! I think it can feel so intimidating to approach writing (or any creative act at all) when it becomes a numbers game and the fear of lots of people disliking it lingers. But I wholeheartedly agree that even if it helps a single person — that is worth the cost of rejection from dozens of others :)
Oh my goodness, thank you for this enthusiasm and kindness, you've just made my evening!! I'm so grateful for you, Marylee!! It's wonderful to have you here! 😍
Happy to help!! I’m new to Substack and just learning the ropes with @Tom Krueger. As I stumble around, I’m slowly building relationships (while on vacation where it would be better if I could turn quietly with my computer and create my process.) I’m glad I met you!
Haha I know that pull to the screen too well! My husband and I have committed to going screen free for the next 3 days — wish us luck :) and I hope you're having a relaxing vacation someplace beautiful!!
It's awful to spend time on something only for it to be torn apart by the cruelty of people. I'm all for opinions, and if the readers truly did not like the book then they have a right to, but to show up to a book club and berate the book is something I'll never understand. At the end of the day, this was someone's time and effort, and there are lots of other ways to critique a book kindly without judgment. On a side note, at first, I thought you were the one to do the judging, and then I read the subtitle "The people, not the book" and let out a laugh. Great clarification and great post, thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing — I'm so glad I could provide a laugh!! That's always a hope but never an expectation 🥰 and yes you're so right. There's no greater gift than a meaningful critique (in my opinion), but the tone changes so much when it turns into something more self-serving.
I relate to this so hard! As someone who has only just started sharing their writing on substack - it’s nerve wracking and it makes all the difference when people are open and kind and encouraging. I’ve always admired people who put their art out there for everyone to see. It’s brave! ♥️
Hi Emily and WOW YAY!! Getting started is always worth celebrating!! I'm so excited for you and so grateful that you've chosen to be brave in this way. I'm also a longtime admirer of this spirit of courage! I'm finding it really exhilarating to experiment in this way despite all my fear. I hope you find and feel the same fun 🥰❤️ Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and being here ❤️
I absolutely love this post. I somehow managed to stumble about it and it spoke to me. The fears and insecurities that come with being vulnerable enough to share our words is so real... But this was beautiful and the encouragment was much needed! Thanks, Sis!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Megan!! I always find the reminder that we all face our insecurities so comforting. It's so easy to forget everyone deals with this, whether we see it or not. We usually don't! I'm so glad this could serve as a bit of encouragement for you :) It's so cool that you're writing here too. Thank you!! ❤️
Most definitely. We all need the reminders because for some weird reason we tend to feel like we have to fake like we have it together. I, however, most definitely do not and don't even try to pretend that I do. Ha! But thank you... I appreciate your kind words and am very grateful that I have found your writing. Keep up the good work, Sis. Cheering you on!
I saw you on the Claire Venus call on you tube and something whispered to me “that quite one is my kind of person”. So happy to find you here.
I went to a book club only once in my life because of similar experience as yours. I decided, I don’t need to spend my energy arguing. I much rather use the energy to create.
Oh my gosh, this is so special! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I see you're writing on mindful travel, so maybe that drew us together! My background is as a mindfulness teacher, and I'm an avid traveler :) (Not so much these days, as we have a 10-month-old boy and limited financial resources, but I know another season of travel will come our way as a family!)
So glad you're here and can't wait to follow your work 🥰
So great to hear more about you, Miriam! We have a few things in common. I practice mindfulness as much as I am able to remind myself. Not much sitting meditation these days. I don’t have kids but love them so much I choose to work with them. They are my mindfulness teacher these days. I also don’t travel all the time and do it in a modest way. I’m sure I will write about these in upcoming posts. Thank you for connecting.
Hi! Your words really connected. I’m just the same, always worried about not being good enough, and incensed by people enjoying destroying other people’s confidence. I went to a literary conference in Geneva years ago thinking I’d meet loads of interesting, enthusiastic people and I hated it because it felt like everyone was trying to appear so, well, literary! I didn’t go to day 2! So glad to have found you here. I’m really enjoying Substack! Xx Francesca
Hi Francesca, I'm so grateful you're here!! Thank you for sharing — incensed is the PERFECT word!! It comes so quickly and then it's so humbling when others catch me doing the same (because I usually don't catch myself 🙈). I am all for more reminders to treat one another with grace. I'm so glad we connected! ❤️
Social media does warp our sense of reality. You're absolutely right.
The book club culture you described would have definitely been terrible to experience. I think it comes from a culture that inadvertently or otherwise, celebrates or condones snobbery. It has become "cool" to put down another or criticise something popular, just for the sake of it. This does not add anything valuable to the discourse around said work of art, or provide genuinely useful feedback to the author. And that is extremely sad and toxic for conversations about creative work.
I think the only way to deal with this as artists and writers ourselves, is to 1) accept that art is subjective and 2) not pay heed to insincere feedback. Concerning ourselves mainly with genuine feedback should provide us respite. What do you think?
Ok this one is a great part 2 to your first post! I love it. I share this same fear, and as I age, I am glad to see that fear of others cruelty slowly (ever so painfully slowly) fade.
Ok I did not think of this at all in that way (a pt II to first post) and that feels spot on. Thank you for knowing my writing better than I do lolol 🥹
That Book Club seems like a live performance of Goodreads
HAHAH wow perfectly put — yes!!
Also, where on the Oregon Coast are you Lutzi? My husband and I lived in Oregon and fell in love with the coast. Our first trip as a couple ever was to Yachats, which was when we fell in love with the state :)
Yachats is right down the road! We are in Newport 🐋 Yachats is one of our favorite places, and that drive through Cape Perpetua is the best drive in the world!! I don’t think I can ever leave 😄
Oh my gosh!!!! Yes! That whole region is just breathtaking! I would never leave if I were you, either 😂 We thought about moving to Portland or the coast because we fell in love with the landscape, but ended up in Klamath Falls to be down the road from my sister's family for a year. It was beautiful in a different way, but we always loved getting back to the coast 😅
One of our favorite days began near Thor's Well and then we did a hike way up right near there. The views were unbelievable.
& I love your video — it brought me back right to that peace! 🥰
I have never been to Klamath Falls and have been in Oregon for 12 yrs! I need to get down there 😄 We were in Corvallis area till two years ago but I need this coastal weather now (high of 62 in the summer is so nice!)
We like to explore all the beaches in that area between Yachats and Heceta Lighthouse. Good to meet another Oregon Enthusiast!!
Here’s a video I just made in Yachats a few weeks ago https://www.lutzirockwell.com/p/storm-over-the-pacific?r=2tth1z&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
This made me laugh out loud! So true. I have always thought that Goodreads reviewers wouldn’t actually say those things out loud, but apparently they do!
Some of these Goodreads people write entire literary critical thesis’s. I do not get it. (Then again, I’ve seen the same thing for blenders😁)
LOL
I really enjoyed this, Miriam. I am also my own worst enemy when it comes to writing - is it good enough/clever enough/original enough and so on down a long list of criticisms! I think it must be par for the course for anyone who writes? Have you read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott? She writes very wittily and honestly about the negative self talk and the doubts. But I think if you want to write, you just have to write and do it for yourself - this is what I keep telling myself anyway!
Yes Catherine!! I think you're right that it's par for the course! I'm reading Rick Rubin's creative manifesto right now and it's giving me the extra bit of inspiration and courage needed to see that we all have something to offer, no matter how clever ;)
I have not read Bird by Bird (nor had I heard of it). I'm going to look it up now. Thank you for the suggestion!! And of course thank you for reading and sharing 🥰 I'm so grateful for you.
I'll have to check out Rick Rubin! Another thing I've found helpful - a good few years ago when I started a blog about home-education (my first time ever sharing any writing of any sort), a friend of a friend, who had her own successful podcast, told me not to expect my friends to read my work. I realised very quickly that she was totally right and it was liberating for two reasons - firstly, I was no longer disappointed if they didn't read my writing and secondly, I didn't worry about what they'd think of it.
Oh my goodness, I wholeheartedly agree with that approach. I remember reading a Note someone wrote saying how disappointing it was to them that their friends didn't read any of their work. My reaction was why should we expect them to?! It's sort of funny that writing can lure us into thinking everyone will flock to it, but if we have friends who are sculptors or activists or any number of other things, they're not expecting us to see every piece of art or be at every march... (I don't think? 😂)
This liberating mindset has already helped me press "publish" more than once!
Poignant. What does it take for a writer--or anyone, for that matter--to accept and appreciate their own work, their own voice when it seems that voice is drowning in the din of criticism, whether real or imagined? How does a writer quell the fear that paralyzes the fingers above the keyboard or compels one to set the pen down and walk away? At those times, which for me is daily, I am reminded of the lines from the charming movie "Ratatouille" where the critic, Anton Ego (voiced by Peter O'Toole) writes his review of the restaurant:
"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so."
Perhaps no one will appreciate my writing. Perhaps no one will even read it.
The only way to ensure this is by writing nothing at all.
Wow, I have never seen Ratatouille and now I think I'll finally make it a priority. What a perfect quote to capture this cycle between creator and consumer. Thank you so much for sharing, David. I'm grateful to now have those words in my inspiration toolkit :)
I will always be of the opinion that reviews are for the reader, not the author. And that includes not liking something. But an opinion should never be geared towards the author. There's a difference between being mean and having a tasteful negative opinion. I'm so sorry you had to experience the former and I hope you'll find another book club to celebrate writing instead of dragging it down ♡
Yes, agreed on this!! Reviews in general are tricky on my mind, I have to admit. I’ve looked up some of my favorite books on Goodreads only to find they have pretty poor reviews, which makes me sad given I know I prioritize books with higher reviews now so might never have read them if I’d looked them up first. It’s a bias that’s hard to unwind. I’m trying not to look books up at all before reading now… 🙈
That's a very good habit! I tend not to look as much at the Goodreads score anyways and more at the reviews but I get that it's a difficult trait to unlearn
Thank you for being so open in this post Miriam. Like you, I worry people will judge/criticise and then I question myself for the importance I've placed on my existence. Self awareness is a funny thing.
With regards to your Book Club, it does not sound like the supportive and open-minded group it should be. I recently joined my local Book Club and even when the entire group has disliked a book it is never, ever placed on the author - it is always down to our own preferences. Books are so subjective, and I'm really sorry you had such a bad experience with people who couldn't accept that!
Hi Soph, thank you so much for being here 🥰 and your book club sounds so lovely! You made me laugh with “self awareness is a funny thing” lol — you’re right and it really is the ultimate double edged sword.
I so appreciate your words ❤️
Please write.
I will read. I will only laugh at the funny parts and I will cry in the sad ones.
I believe that the world is filled with a billion different books to relate to each person at a different time. If you'd have handed me a book highlighting the experiences I'm facing right now, merely 6 months ago I'd have barely cracked the spine. Now it has a whole new meaning.
You saw yourself within the pages and they spoke to you. Nothing wrong with that. If you read it again in 5 or 10 years ya might not love it just the same.
There are a few FAMOUS authors out there that I am just not a fan of. I believe their writing is dry and lingers on like dog farts....but so many people adore them. So do I beat myself up for not liking her? Do I question the sanity of the people who adore her? Nope. Just continue on my quest to find things I do love.
So you....
Write like you have the power to change someone's life. Because you do.
And in a room full of 15 haters, one person's life that you change....makes those 15 seem meaningless.
All so true, Aspyn!! I think it can feel so intimidating to approach writing (or any creative act at all) when it becomes a numbers game and the fear of lots of people disliking it lingers. But I wholeheartedly agree that even if it helps a single person — that is worth the cost of rejection from dozens of others :)
So grateful for your supportive words here 🥰
This is the first post of yours I’ve come across and read.
Brilliant!! You just found another subscriber!
Oh my goodness, thank you for this enthusiasm and kindness, you've just made my evening!! I'm so grateful for you, Marylee!! It's wonderful to have you here! 😍
Happy to help!! I’m new to Substack and just learning the ropes with @Tom Krueger. As I stumble around, I’m slowly building relationships (while on vacation where it would be better if I could turn quietly with my computer and create my process.) I’m glad I met you!
Haha I know that pull to the screen too well! My husband and I have committed to going screen free for the next 3 days — wish us luck :) and I hope you're having a relaxing vacation someplace beautiful!!
It's awful to spend time on something only for it to be torn apart by the cruelty of people. I'm all for opinions, and if the readers truly did not like the book then they have a right to, but to show up to a book club and berate the book is something I'll never understand. At the end of the day, this was someone's time and effort, and there are lots of other ways to critique a book kindly without judgment. On a side note, at first, I thought you were the one to do the judging, and then I read the subtitle "The people, not the book" and let out a laugh. Great clarification and great post, thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing — I'm so glad I could provide a laugh!! That's always a hope but never an expectation 🥰 and yes you're so right. There's no greater gift than a meaningful critique (in my opinion), but the tone changes so much when it turns into something more self-serving.
I'm so grateful you're here!
I relate to this so hard! As someone who has only just started sharing their writing on substack - it’s nerve wracking and it makes all the difference when people are open and kind and encouraging. I’ve always admired people who put their art out there for everyone to see. It’s brave! ♥️
Hi Emily and WOW YAY!! Getting started is always worth celebrating!! I'm so excited for you and so grateful that you've chosen to be brave in this way. I'm also a longtime admirer of this spirit of courage! I'm finding it really exhilarating to experiment in this way despite all my fear. I hope you find and feel the same fun 🥰❤️ Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and being here ❤️
I absolutely love this post. I somehow managed to stumble about it and it spoke to me. The fears and insecurities that come with being vulnerable enough to share our words is so real... But this was beautiful and the encouragment was much needed! Thanks, Sis!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Megan!! I always find the reminder that we all face our insecurities so comforting. It's so easy to forget everyone deals with this, whether we see it or not. We usually don't! I'm so glad this could serve as a bit of encouragement for you :) It's so cool that you're writing here too. Thank you!! ❤️
Most definitely. We all need the reminders because for some weird reason we tend to feel like we have to fake like we have it together. I, however, most definitely do not and don't even try to pretend that I do. Ha! But thank you... I appreciate your kind words and am very grateful that I have found your writing. Keep up the good work, Sis. Cheering you on!
Beautiful & very comforting, Miriam. Thank you for this.
Hi Beata, thank you so much for being here!! I’m so grateful for your reading and feedback ❤️🥰🙏🏼
I saw you on the Claire Venus call on you tube and something whispered to me “that quite one is my kind of person”. So happy to find you here.
I went to a book club only once in my life because of similar experience as yours. I decided, I don’t need to spend my energy arguing. I much rather use the energy to create.
Oh my gosh, this is so special! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I see you're writing on mindful travel, so maybe that drew us together! My background is as a mindfulness teacher, and I'm an avid traveler :) (Not so much these days, as we have a 10-month-old boy and limited financial resources, but I know another season of travel will come our way as a family!)
So glad you're here and can't wait to follow your work 🥰
So great to hear more about you, Miriam! We have a few things in common. I practice mindfulness as much as I am able to remind myself. Not much sitting meditation these days. I don’t have kids but love them so much I choose to work with them. They are my mindfulness teacher these days. I also don’t travel all the time and do it in a modest way. I’m sure I will write about these in upcoming posts. Thank you for connecting.
Hi! Your words really connected. I’m just the same, always worried about not being good enough, and incensed by people enjoying destroying other people’s confidence. I went to a literary conference in Geneva years ago thinking I’d meet loads of interesting, enthusiastic people and I hated it because it felt like everyone was trying to appear so, well, literary! I didn’t go to day 2! So glad to have found you here. I’m really enjoying Substack! Xx Francesca
Hi Francesca, I'm so grateful you're here!! Thank you for sharing — incensed is the PERFECT word!! It comes so quickly and then it's so humbling when others catch me doing the same (because I usually don't catch myself 🙈). I am all for more reminders to treat one another with grace. I'm so glad we connected! ❤️
Grace is the word! 🤣❤️
*quiet
“I’m still working through how to be physically distant from my 10-month-old boy for any span of time.”
A whole world in one line. 🙏💙
Wow, yes, and thank you David for picking that out 🥹❤️
Social media does warp our sense of reality. You're absolutely right.
The book club culture you described would have definitely been terrible to experience. I think it comes from a culture that inadvertently or otherwise, celebrates or condones snobbery. It has become "cool" to put down another or criticise something popular, just for the sake of it. This does not add anything valuable to the discourse around said work of art, or provide genuinely useful feedback to the author. And that is extremely sad and toxic for conversations about creative work.
I think the only way to deal with this as artists and writers ourselves, is to 1) accept that art is subjective and 2) not pay heed to insincere feedback. Concerning ourselves mainly with genuine feedback should provide us respite. What do you think?